Posts tagged Mary Crawley

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On the Characters I Have Loved

The two characters I have loved and written about the most in the last five years don’t seem as though they should be similar on the surface.

Mary Crawley from Downton Abbey


Regina Mills from Once Upon a Time

Interesting, right?

Women who have difficulty feeling loved—and understood—by the people around them, who love fiercely but think that everyone around them sees them as people who could not love. 

Since I was a little kid, I’ve always been a really anxious person. Now, as an adult, it’s still difficult for the people around me (and for me, too) to treat me differently than they always have, and it’s hard to find the right balance between people knowing that I still am the same person and struggle with some of the same things, and the fact that I’ve grown and changed.

Perhaps that is why these women, and in general the sort of surface-level cold or cruel woman who is really vulnerable and loving beneath it, is the character with whom I’ve always connected. 

Filed under mary crawley regina mills about me random thoughts

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Anonymous asked: The Christmas special from season 2 of Downton Abbey was wonderful! I think I watched that episode one hundred times...okay, so maybe I watched that last scene one hundred times :P Everything I had been waiting two seasons for. And then the Christmas special from season 3 happened and I sat there stunned - haven't been able to watch that episode again! I just pretend it never happened and Matthew is still off to war... Thanks for answering my questions!

Wasn’t It????

I died.

and then Matthew died.

Filed under gifs not mine downton abbey matthew x mary mary crawley matthew crawley you are welcome anon christmas special cs2 WHY WAS THERE A S3 SPECIAL IT WASN'T SPECIAL IT WAS TORTURE STILL OBVIOUSLY REALLY BITTER Anonymous asks ask emily

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someonethatiamnot asked: 9, 10, 18, 28, 38

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

In the Darkness, for sure. And not for any magical reason, either. It’s the longest one, and therefore the hardest to organize/manage/keep up with and the hardest thing to get from point A to point B on the characters’ journey because it’s a long and complicated journey.

10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?

Letters  which was a Downton Abbey fic that I wrote came from so much internalized thinking about the characters (and Mary Crawley in particular) that I thought of it and wrote it (by hand) in about 45 minutes, and then just typed it and did minor editing before posting.

18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?

I use Scrivener, which is the best. It allows me to organize chapters, drafts, fragments, photos, ideas etc., and to have two windows open at once, which is useful when I’m writing from notes or outlines. It also has a full screen writing mode that I use a lot to avoid distractions, and to get in the right mood because you can have photo backgrounds for it.

I outline sometimes a lot and sometimes none at all…it really depends. I would call what I do…outlines…so much as notes? I write down basic scenes I thought of, or, more often, the core 3/4 lines of dialogue for the scene, or an imagine around which it will be based, and then I move the order around, sometimes before and sometimes after writing the whole thing.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Um so right now I’m reading more Outlaw Queen than anything else so…that’s what’s going to be listed here. But also, limiting to three is hard, so here are three that come to mind but there are MANY others who I love. 

ninzied (or nonsequiturvy on ffn.net) Writes OQ with an ease of always using enough words and never too many. I am in love with the alphabet series, which includes a few AU’s for OQ that are beautiful and heartbreaking and so well written. Also NEED the medical AU and Daughter to be finished up because WHAT HAPPENS TO MY BABIES NINA? There’s also a real honesty to the sort of mundane things of life that she makes comfortable and weighty and real and sweet, and a lot of images stick with me, Roland waking Robin from a nightmare, Regina sending Robin out to the grocery store, Regina crying with relief at not being pregnant from an unwanted husband in one of her AU’s, to name a few.

someonethatiamnot (or somewhereapart on ffn.net) OQ is always effortlessly intimate, and close and tender and HOT (you write smut very well, love) and in character but with something to be found that the show doesn’t give, some layer of interiority or thought that she adds, that’s so fun to read and discover. Really love her understanding of why Robin is important to Regina as more than just a “love interest” and how that comes through in her writing. She also writes a very interesting and well-rounded Robin, which is lovely to see, as I believe we all have a tendency to be in this a little more for Regina than for him. And takes the time to make the physical world and the surrounding characters of the story vivid and real.

@sgtmac7 who cannot be tagged for some reason??? (or sgtmac on ffn.net) Posts these long and beautiful and unique fics and I get to scan down more and more to read them but am still disappointed when they’re over. One of my favorites, which I can’t find at the moment, has to do with Regina going through magic withdrawal, and several others where something happens to the characters and I get to watch them react in-character to whatever it is, but not in a way that’s trite or full of tropes or boring, just thousands of lovely words of me going WHY isn’t OUAT longer and just a show about Regina and nothing else.

Side note: Why do you guys all have different tumblr and ffn.net urls? *sobs* we could’ve been tumblr buddies so long ago if I had known

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

I have some reliable reviewers for In the Darkness who always leave me several paragraphs, and I look forward to and devour them with delight, because I love love love hearing detail about what worked, what didn’t, what details struck them etc.

I also love when people reblog or post about my fics on tumblr, and just put reaction gifs or funny tags. That makes my day too. And yes we’ve established that I am weird and I read all the tags.

Filed under someonethatiamnot asks ask emily ninzied sgtmac7 oq ff outlaw queen writing in the darkness fic recs letters downton abbey mary crawley reviews

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MM Secret Santa Project 2013

My Secret Santa doesn’t have a tumblr, so I’m posting. :)

I haven’t written in a really long time…the end of Season 3 sort of crushed my enthusiasm. I hope this is any good, and that you all enjoy it. I had the idea more than a year ago, that a conversation like this one should have happened between Seasons 2/3, and that if it had, some of the ridiculous drama between them wouldn’t have been so ridiculous in Season 3.
Anyway, happy holidays!

She steps out into the same garden where he’d once walked out of her life for nearly three years, briskly wiping the tears from under her eyes. She doesn’t expect him to follow her; in fact, she’d specifically told him not to. 
So why does it sting so much when several minutes pass and she does not feel his presence?
Because what I said was cruel, but what I did was walk out crying, she answers herself. He should know which one to follow by now. 
She shakes her head at her own foolishness, assigning so much responsibility to Matthew and allowing so much self-pity. 
She’s tired of having such wretched timing about Matthew, like the clocks that set their fates run half a tick apart. She’d thought that was finally over, but apparently not. The panic rising somewhere in her chest feels eerily like what settled in her when he withdrew his proposal all those years ago. He quite suddenly vanished from her future, and the dread that blossomed deep in her chest gave her the answer over which she had agonized for so long.
She presses her hand to her breast and breathes deeply. He’s here, she reminds herself, though it’s hard to do when she’s just pushed him away, he’s here. 
The atmosphere shifts, in that moment, and there’s the blessed sound of a breathing pattern she’d know anywhere. 
She doesn’t turn or speak. 
"Mary darling are you all right?" he asks, and she almost crumples right then, her fists clenching. Oh, why does he have to be so infuriatingly good to her? But the fight isn’t entirely gone out of her yet. 
"What trouble is it to you?" 
"Mary," he warns.
She sighs and shakes her head. “Shouldn’t you be angry? Shouldn’t you be…I don’t know…defending your position, or insulting my opinions as a woman, or threatening to…” break our engagement she trails off, because of course she already did that to him. God, she hates herself for hurting him so, and it almost makes it worse that he doesn’t hate her for it.
Matthew’s face breaks into a rueful smile. “Mary, the days in which you could do something to truly vex me and think I’d take it at face value are long gone. I know you too well.” 
She glances at his face for no more than a second, then looks back onto the grounds. He waits.
"He’s going to do it," Mary breathes. "I received a letter this morning; he’s seen news of our engagement—how could he not?—and he’s going to publish." She laughs bitterly. "What a story it will make! Reputedly cold eldest daughter of the Earl of Grantham not warm enough to keep foreign visitor alive in her bed; to marry family’s unfortunate heir in cover up. What a pretty penny he’ll make on that one. And he’ll ruin you in the bargain."
He takes a determined step toward her, reaches out his hand. “So let him.”
Mary crosses her arms across her chest, pointedly ignoring his offered hand. “Matthew why must you be so dense about these things?”
"I’m not. Mary, I’m not. I love you, and you’re going to be my wife, Sir Richard Carlisle and his paper be damned." He takes a slow breath. "But surely you knew I would say that." Understanding dawns. 
After a few moments of silence, he confesses, “It scares me too, you know.” 
She hums her question at that, her carriage polite; she’s still not giving in.
"Us," he says. The flicker in her eyes tells him that he’s hit on something.
He steps cautiously closer, and breathes in with relief when she allows him to take her hand, the stiffness of the muscles in her arm and wrist and fingers relenting a little under his touch.
"We have it in us now to destroy each other’s happiness," she says. And they do. Now that they’ve acknowledged their feelings, there’s no going back.
He bites his lip and nods, taking his place next to her as they stare out into the darkness together. “We have the power to create it, as well,” he reminds her. He studies her for a moment. 
Her brow furrows. “I’m so afraid that something else will happen. That we’ll fight and I’ll ruin it. That I’ve already ruined it.”
"I’m here," he reminds her. 
He sees the pain in her expression. “It was my fault, really,” he says, “for ignoring my feelings for you, for letting you become engaged to that man, for angering him.”
Mary bristles. “Oh for God’s sake, Matthew, do stop falling on your sword.”
She sees his face fall and finally reaches for him. One gloved hand slides onto his jaw and neck; her lips brush his forehead. She meets his gaze. “You are a good man, Matthew Crawley, but someday, you must learn that that does not mean you must carry the guilt of the world on your shoulders.”
"I…," he trails off, lets his eyes drift shut. "We’ll both have to learn to be happy, then." He lets a long-suffering sigh escape, hopes she’ll laugh. "And I’ll…try not to be so self-sacrificing."
She chuckles, allowing herself to enjoy his presence and the way he manages to make her smile. “Thank you for coming to find me,” she says. The words feel dangerous, like part of her deepest heart has broken off and floats in the space between them. How strange it feels, choosing to be vulnerable. “You’re quite bright, you know, for a country solicitor.”
He grins. She sees her words sink into him, and feels lighter. 
It seems her love has made her brave.

Filed under MM Secret Santa project 2013 Matthew x Mary Matthew Crawley Mary Crawley fanfiction MM fandom secret santa apollo888 emily31594

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“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant.”
- from Jane Austen’s Persuasion
For Wdedalus :)


You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant.

- from Jane Austen’s Persuasion

For Wdedalus :)

(via patsan)

Filed under quote perfect Mary Crawley Matthew Crawley Matthew x Mary Persuasion Jane Austen

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Such Small Hands: haslemere replied to your post: I scroll the Mary Crawley and Matthew...


imagehaslemere replied to your post: I scroll the Mary Crawley and Matthew Crawley tags and I read the strangest of things.

Why is everything in life antagonistic? Even having to take sides on a great romantic couple is taking things to extreme. We (at least those of us who..
You’ve explained exactly how I feel about series three. I really do sometimes wish the show had just ended with Matthew and Mary spinning in the snow on Christmas.

Filed under patsan downton abbey downton abbey thoughts matthew crawley mary crawley matthew x mary

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Remember when?

I’ve been going through old posts today, and I’m having a lot of frustrated Downton Abbey feelings.

Remember when we were worried whether we’d get to see the wedding on screen? Remember when we thought the trailer was happy and beautiful? Remember when we thought the Sybil/Branson kiss was the resolution of a potentially tragic situation and not the foreshadowing of another? Remember when we were so thrilled with all the quotes about Mary finally finding happiness? Remember when we were waiting excitedly for a glimpse of Mary’s wedding dress? Remember when we were fangirling over Matthew driving the car? 


Filed under sorry that's a bit of a rant but really downton abbey matthew x mary matthew crawley mary crawley sybil x branson sybil tom branson series three

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Emily31594: Thoughts on why this hurts so much


If you don’t know what happened in the Christmas Special, you should stop reading this post now.

Before I begin, I just want to explain that I do not write this post in order to place blame onto anyone or claim victimization at the hands of real people for their effects on fictional ones.


Reblogging this for relevance again tonight in the hopes that it makes someone feel a little better…

Filed under thoughts on why this hurts so much downton abbey christmas special matthew crawley mary crawley matthew x mary dan stevens julian fellowes writing

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It just hit me…


… if Mary’s getting a new love interest in S4 AND Michelle is really leaving after this season, this will be JF’s exit strategy for Mary’s character: she will remarry and as a consequence she will leave Downton to live with her new husband (and her son) somewhere.

Or he’ll kill her off. That seems to be his M.O.

Filed under i'm sorry that's super pessimistic and kind of uncalled for but it has to be said michelle dockery mary crawley downton abbey spoiler spoilers da spoilers julian fellowes

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Thoughts on why this hurts so much

If you don’t know what happened in the Christmas Special, you should stop reading this post now.

Before I begin, I just want to explain that I do not write this post in order to place blame onto anyone or claim victimization at the hands of real people for their effects on fictional ones.

But what I am is angry, and I want to articulate why.

We watch and read and listen to entertainment for a very good reason. Every day, in our ordinary lives, there are rules. One reality exists at a time, and it is how it is, governed by the laws of physics and time and experience. We are, however happily or unhappily, stuck there.
What a book or movie or song allows us to do is escape. Not in the sense of running away, but rather more in the sense of journeying deeper into ourselves. We see what could be, what might be, what isn’t, but would be wonderful if it was.
We see and hear things that are not concrete, that do not exist or perhaps never did, and, if we’re lucky, we feel that they do, anyway.
These things do not always have to be happy. In fact, they would mean very little at all if they were. They should be sad, sometimes, too. Tragic, painful, unsettling. But also hopeful, and intelligent, and triumphant.
When they are all of these things they are like us, defined as much by the good things as by the bad. They say something about the human condition. Something beautiful, with a little kernel of truth. We may not always be happy, but, at the very bottom of the Pandora’s box of our existence, if we look hard enough, there is always, always hope.

This lazy, flippant destruction of a character and a relationship that was this for us—that showed us how people can change and how life can take a turn for the better in the most unexpected ways—is angering. That story uplifted us in that imperfect way. A lonely, bitter, intelligent woman grew into a fulfilled and happy (and still as intelligent) one through a love that was as unexpected for her as it was for us. Now that guilt she sometimes feels, for keeping them apart much longer than they should have been, will be eternal. It will plague her for the rest of her days, as she soldiers on with her child, falling somehow back into her bitterness.
And don’t get me started on the young man who survived a war, paralysis, and the Spanish flu only to fall literally under a bus. Who apparently existed only to produce a child so that he could disappear from the story?
Things like this, I suppose, can happen.

But in drama, in a place where we desire to believe that intelligence defeats force; beauty, cruelty; love, hate; and good, evil, showing the opposite feels awful and wrong because it is. The real world is disappointing enough without imaginary ones growing to be the same. Harry Potter doesn’t end with Harry or Ron or Hermione dying at the hand of one of Voldemort’s last surviving followers. Les Miserables doesn’t end with Marius and Cosette tripping and meeting their end under a rushing carriage on their wedding day. Both of these stories have their share of sadness and death.
I am not mad because a favorite character died. I am mad because a beautiful idea is over. Downton Abbey, which used to be about basically good people trying to make their way in the world, about how, in the end, against all odds, even the saddest, loneliest people deserve true love, is about nothing at all. It is about chance and situation and the lack of control that we have over our own existence. Its plots feel forced and immaterial because they are, because the fourth wall is broken, and we know exactly why they did what they did, we know it served no story that anyone truly wanted to tell.
And this is not uplifting. It does not say anything worth hearing about the human condition. It is, quite simply and disappointingly, sad.
The worst part, of course, is that now, all the wonderful, uplifting, happy bits from before are forever embittered by this shallow end. A good story told well until the very end is no good story at all. I mourn not so much the character, because he is not real, as I must remind myself, and can exist anywhere in my mind, but the story, because it died just as surely by that car as he did. Something beautiful and hopeful is gone, perhaps through no fault of any one person, or of any person at all. But I mourn that it is gone because it was, for a time, truly wonderful.

Filed under Christmas special Downton abbey Emily overanalyzes things Mary crawley Matthew crawley Matthew x Mary cs2 da spoiler downton abbey spoiler downton abbey spoilers spoiler spoilers Dan Stevens Julian fellowes